"I Am An Emotional Creature"

The following excerpt is from the new work "I AM AN EMOTIONAL CREATURE: The Secret Life of Girls around the World" by Eve Ensler. The book is exceptional, breathtaking, and a must read for every female, for every emotional creature.

I AM AN EMOTIONAL CREATURE

I love being a girl.
I can feel what you're feeling
as you're feeling it inside
the feeling
before.
I am an emotional creature.
Things do not come to me
as intellectual theories or hard-shaped ideas.
They pulse through my organs and legs
and burn up my ears.
I know when your girlfriend's really pissed off
even though she appears to give you what
you want.
I know when a storm is coming.
I can feel the invisible stirrings in the air.
I can tell you he won't call back.
It's a vibe I share.

I am an emotional creature.
I love that I do not take things lightly.
Everything is intense to me.
The way I walk in the street.
The way my mother wakes me up.
The way I hear bad news.
The way it's unbearable when I lose.

I am an emotional creature.
I am connected to everything and everyone.
I was born like that.
Don't you dare say all negative that it's a
teenage thing
or it's only only because I'm a girl.
These feelings make me better.
They make me ready.
They make me present.
They make me strong.

I am an emotional creature.
There is a particular way of knowing.
It's like the older women somehow forgot.
I rejoice that it's still in my body.

I know when the coconut's about to fall.
I know that we've pushed the earth too far.
I know my father isn't coming back.
That no one's prepared for the fire.
I know that lipstick means
more than show.
I know that boys feel super-insecure
and so-called terrorists are made, not born.
I know that one kiss can take
away all my decision-making ability
and sometimes, you know, it should.

This is not extreme.
It's a girl thing.
What we would all be
if the big door inside us flew open.
Don't tell me not to cry.
To calm it down
Not to be so extreme
To be reasonable.
I am an emotional creature.
It's how the earth got made.
How the wind continues to pollinate.
You don't tell the Atlantic ocean
to behave.

I am an emotional creature.
Why would you want to shut me down
or turn me off?
I am your remaining memory.
I am connecting you to your source.
Nothing's been diluted.
Nothing's leaked out.
I can take you back.

I love that I can feel the inside
of the feelings in you,
even if it stops my life
even if it hurts too much
or takes me off track
even if it breaks my heart.
It makes me responsible.
I am an emotional
I am an emotional, devotional,
incandotional, creature.
And I love, hear me,
love love love
being a girl.

Motel living

Thanksgiving is over and Christmas is just around the corner. Here we are living in Belmont’s Motel 6-3 adults, 6 kids, 2 dogs, and a cat-waiting to hear from home applications. The space we occupy is not big by any means but we do have an efficiency kitchen so meals are cheaper than having to eat out. I say three adults because even though Mike is here with us he tends to sleep in the RV. Mike is still in stages of detox and his irritability fuse is short. Then again, my irritability fuse, when it comes to his irrational and self-centered behavior, is also incredibly short.

Today Mike and Bill have driven to Tahoe to empty our post office box and pick up Mike’s birthday and Christmas checks from his mother and his last unemployment check. They expect to return this evening unless the weather prohibits travel. Mike will then leave here and head to Yuma, Arizona to spend some time with his mother. He will be gone at least two weeks and possibly through the New Year. He is going to attempt to mend his fences with her and to come to agreeable terms where their joint home ownership and joint bank accounts are concerned. I have to admit that having him gone for a while will be a nice break.

Mike is a truly generous and caring man. But, he does come with hang-ups, as we all do. One of his hang-ups is his bitterness over his childhood and the harsh discipline he endured at the hands of his mother and the fact that she chased his father-the loving, affectionate parent-away. He is jealous of the way that I love my children and my grandchildren and complains (whines) about it often. He loves my children and my grandchildren but he does not want to have to share my affection with anyone. When he is actively using he is seldom around, in fact he does not want to be around anyone during that time, but when he is clean he is very demanding of my time and my attentions. I give what I can till I have little left and still am expected to give more. I am coming to the end of my give a damn and this coming break will do me good.

California

November is half over and it is getting cold outside. In the past month we have traveled through Oregon, Nevada, and today into California. My daughter and her family returned to California from Kansas this week. Kansas did not meet expectations. Once you have lived in California it is hard to live anywhere else. California is a land of beauty, not just in landscape but in people. The diversity of nature and of culture is alive and thriving in California. It is a place where it is okay to be a bit different, to lean toward nonconformity, to wear white after Labor Day.

*** *** ***

One week before Thanksgiving. Grateful for family. Grateful to have roof over my head, our heads, and food in the cupboards and refrigerator. Grateful for the good health of all I love. Grateful for the strength of character exhibited by my very fabulous children. Grateful for the love I am surrounded by and cushioned by each and every day. Grateful to live in this country, with all its faults and all its wonders.

November

November is almost half over and it is getting cold outside. In the past month we have traveled through Oregon, Nevada, and today into California. My daughter and her family returned to California from Kansas a week ago now. Kansas did not meet expectations. Once you have lived in California it is hard to live anywhere else. California is a land of beauty, not just in landscape but in people. The diversity of nature and of culture is alive and thriving in California. It is a place where it is okay to be a bit different, to lean toward nonconformity, to wear white after Labor Day.

I have an extreme case of writer’s block lately but I did find this great blog page about California and wanted to share it.

http://geotripper.blogspot.com/2010/06/now-this-is-why-i-love-california.html

With any luck, and some inspiration, I will be back with an original blog any day now.