Today

It has been a month now since I returned from West Virginia. I miss my son and his family. I miss the smell of the sweet baby. I miss taking Mags, a beautiful 3year old Golden Retriever, out for her snowy romps. It has been raining off and on here since I returned. It is that time of year where winter is transitioning into spring. The days are warm enough to go without a coat but the early mornings still call for an extra blanket.

I am not sleeping well. I go into read about 10:00 pm then say my prayers before I doze off. But, I am awake again by 2:00 am and watch the clock turn till it is a decent time to get up and start coffee. I then sit quietly in a chair and read waiting for the rest of the house to wake up. I sleep on the floor in a room with my three oldest grandsons who also sleep on the floor. My back aches and I have a constant crick in my neck. It isn’t ideal by any means but there is a roof over our heads and a lock on the door. I am grateful for this right now.

Mike is in Marin still, living in the RV on someone’s land. He calls when he knows my check has come. Then when he gets his he stops calling. The ties are loose and almost severed and soon we won’t talk at all. My daughter and her husband drove to Tahoe to pick up my cat and to look for a place to live. The man that Mike left Kohl with said he got out soon after Mike left him and he didn’t bother looking for him because he didn’t think anyone would come for him. When I talked to Mike about it he was unconcerned. Koln is three and one-half years old and my cat and I love him and he is gone. So now I grieve for not only all I have lost materially in the past few years but for my cat as well. He was under our protection and to Mike he was expendable. Not to me.

We may be moving into a place in Carson City, Nevada toward the end of this month. I so hope everything works in our favor and we will have our own place again. I am tired. I don’t know how much more I can manage. My mind is clouded. My emotions at the surface. I am tired. I have tried to get an appointment with a doctor for some new meds, antidepressants, but am still waiting for a call back.